Frakkin' Sweet (Spoilers Alert)

I am watching both Battlestar Galactica and Caprica at the same time.  Both for the first time.  I would like to highly recommend this practice.  I am seeing a lot of similarities and puzzle pieces fitting together for me between these series' pasts & presents.  Because of this, I have lots of new theories on how the Cylons become what they do.

At the beginning of BSG, they tell you about the 20-sum odd year feud the humans & cylons have with each other.  They start with the Cylons duping the humans by revealing one of the "5"'s and destroying the space station where this "Treaty" was to take place.  It was then realized how intellegent these machines really are to be able to create such a sophisticated android.

Now, zap back to the past with Caprica.  A super computer genius girl dies in a terrorist attack her boyfriend triggers.  She leaves behind an "Avatar" so advanced that she knew her creator died as she did.  She also holds all of the girl's memories, experiences, and what have you.  Zoe's Father (the girl's name) is a Bill Gates of sorts.  He is the man who creates the first Cylon.  He finds a way to "capture" his daughter's avatar and thought it a brilliant idea to implant her into said Cylon.  Because of this, I believe that it is this Zoe Avatar that creates the skin jobs.  I am also going to go out on a limb and say that it is because of this original Cylon that all cylons & skin jobs believe in monotheism.

I have few speculations after that but those are my two biggest and I lu-u-uvvvv IT!!

So, that's all I had to share.  n_n

Talking to my Dad

Why is it that even when I have a nice conversation with my dad, I still feel like I'm wasting his time? 

I actually called my dad this morning (Sunday, mind you) and he actually picked up the phone.  I wanted to let him know Grampa's birthday party was back on.  I didn't want to have to let him know but it was out of curtious obligation that I did so.  He hates the whole "Short Notice Flip-Flopping" of any kind of plans that involve his time.  The man is kind of a hermit.  Even worse of one when it involves me.  But, he was fine with it.  He's wanting to go.  Especially to see his own Grandson.  He doesn't come to see him often enough.  Hell, his grandparents in Montana see this child more than he does.

Back to the point.  It doesn't matter weither the call results in good or disappointment.  I always want to cry afterwards.  I hate having to fight for this man's affection (read: approval).  I don't always e-mail him expecting it yet when I get an e-mail back from him in response to something, it makes me feel like I've won a lottery. 

I shouldn't have to feel that proud of myself when I talk to one of my parents (regardless if it's from the only parent I have who's alive.)  Honestly, and I don't care how screwed up someone takes this, children SHOULD take having parents for granted.  Everyone is entitled to parents.  This doesn't mean that children shouldn't get spanked by them or they should get everything they want when they want it.  But everyone deserves them.

It hurts like crazy that I feel like such a dissappointment, even when I'm the daughter who's actually succeeding in life, in a really messed up version of success.  I made the effort to grow-up and have a life apart from my family.  I did it to prove that I don't need their instruction, bitching, money, or support because I was a grown-ass woman and that is exactly how I will live.  I've been married, twice and have a family of my own, regardless of the fact that we are living on a small, single income and unfortunately, that is all we can do at this point.

But, as always, I have to not talk or e-mail my dad for days before he's willing to even e-mail me back in response to any photos I send him of his grandson.  And it has to take 6 months between visits to get my dad to come see his Grandson without there being a special occasion.  The same grandson, who is his only blood grandchild, created from one of his only 2 children whom he created with his wife, therefor, this child is an extension of his wife and him. 

But, he is my son.  So when he looks into his face, I'm sure he doesn't see his beloved and departed wife.  He sees his annoying, clumsy, fat, and needy oldest daughter.  And because of that, regardless of weither our short correspondences were good or dissappointing, I want to cry each time because I still feel like I wasted his time.